just another day

st patties day was today, well technically yesterday as it is 1:28 am. and it was pretty much just another day at home with cleaning and more cleaning. why celebrate the day, i can understand if you are irish and it means something to you, but for normal people its just a reason to drink beer and get drunk. ive had my fair share of drinking and partying and getting drunk every chance i could. but that pretty much got uninteresting when i had kameron. realizing there are better things to do than drink all the time and get drunk and spend all the money i had on beer. before kameron was born i pretty much had no plan for my life. i didnt want to go to college or get married or even have kids at all. i was failing every class in high school i skipped class all the time, i had no care for it. but i went mainly to get out of the house and away from my mom. i then started joining after school groups like cheerleading and softball and sadd and even ffa. i tried everything to stay away from home and having to deal with my mom each and every day. when i got pregnant for kameron i was 15. it was about march of 2005 i turned 16 that june and kameron was born december 26 2005. my mom kicked me out of the house when she found out i was pregnant. she said she wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and that i was a piece of shit daughter and she hated me and i would do nothing with my life and i was a failure and pretty much put me down. but i was used to it living with it like that since the divorce between her and my dad. she was violent and abusive and just bitchy all the time. so i moved in with kris and lived there while i was pregnant and about when i was 6 months pregnant my mom asked me to move back in with her and live there with the baby and she didnt want me to keep her away from her grandchild and so i did. kris and i moved in to my moms and like any other time i lived there she had her good days (very very few at that) and always her bad days. so we went back and forth between my moms and kris' moms house. that fall when school started back up i went to an alternative school in wayland instead of the public high school in hopkins. i went there up till i went into labor over christmas break and then did not go back. i didnt have a babysitter for kameorn and i really didnt want to go back to school at the time. kris was going to school and working at little ceasers so he was gone all day pretty much every day. he eventually dropped out of school to work more and i still stayed home with kameorn. i tried to go back to school when kameron was 3 months. i brought kameron to my dads house in the morning he then brought kameron to my aunts house in grand rapids on his way to work and i would go to school. my dad would get kameron after he got out of work and bring him back to me. a few weeks of that and kameron got sick. so i stayed home with him and decided agian not finish school....well i just stopped writing for a bit to do a preview of how this will look on the blog and its kinda long. i dont know how much is too much in a post thing but i think imma cut this short and lay down for a bit considering the fact that all the boys are sleeping and im hoping to get some sleep before they wake up or at least ethan will be waking up here pretty soon. i will finish in another post. not really finish because i am still living so there will never be an ending post unless i all of a sudden pass out dead. but then you wouldnt know because i wouldnt be here to tell you. but yeah, im out. goodnight.